“…every man did what was right in his own eyes.” – Judges 21:25

 

I am a Certified Human Behavior Specialist and Senior Master Trainer.  I teach and train others how to recognize and understand the four basic personality styles in order to communicate more effectively and build better relationships.

One of the four basic personality styles is best described as the dominant, direct, demanding, decisive, determined, doer.  This type of person is fiercely independent; one who wants what she wants when she wants it.  She has a “can do” attitude and is perfectly content doing things all by herself.  In fact, she prefers it that way.

That would be me.  I have to work at remembering that I need others; that I need relationship.  It is very easy for me to get so focused on the tasks that I want to accomplish that I block out other people and things in the process.  Locked in that tunnel vision, I often operate as though I don’t need anyone or anything.  “I can do it myself!”

Independence is a trait that I have highly valued…until recently, when I saw it in a very different light.  I am beginning to see that an independent attitude is at the crux of all evil.

Think about it.  That one word and all the attitudes and judgments within it seem to be at the root of all that is wrong in the world.  Independence says, “I reserve the right to decide what is good or bad, right or wrong.  I reserve the right to judge everything and everyone by my own set of standards.”

In the Garden of Eden, Adam and Eve chose to act independently when they ate of the tree they had been instructed by God to avoid.  They looked at the fruit of that tree and decided for themselves that what God had said was not good for them to eat was, in fact, good.  They chose for themselves the right to determine what was best for them.  And that began a pattern that the human race has continued to follow to this very day.  Independence was the beginning of sin.

We were created to live in loving relationship with our Heavenly Father.  When we walk in dependence upon Him and in obedience to His instruction, we are able to live the life He intended.  If, however, we insist on our independence (on our right to make our own decisions concerning our lives), that is when we get ourselves into trouble.  It is independence that causes our separation from God and what made Jesus’ death necessary.  He was sacrificed on the altar of our independence.

Not only were we created to live in relationship with God, but we were also created to live in relationship with each other.  We have been given an Operators Manual, the Bible, to tell us how those relationships function best.  They work best when we value others as we value ourselves; when we put another’s good before our own; when we love sacrificially.

As I say that, I realize that it sounds all well and good, and in my head at least, I believe it’s true.  But, in the daily-ness and reality of everyday living, it seems impossible and unrealistic.  Who can really live like that?  Do I even want to?  If I try to live like that, aren’t I exposing myself to the possibility of being taken advantage of or run over by someone else?  Those questions reveal the depth of my independent spirit; and the rest of human-kind as well.

We often wonder why our relationships are broken; why we find it so difficult to get along.  But, if we were to take a long, hard look, I think we would have to admit that it is because of this very issue.  It is at the crossroads where our individual independence intersects that difficulty begins.  It is where wrecks take place in our relationships.

This whole thing strikes at the core of who I am and I’m not sure I like where this line of thinking is taking me…at least not in my flesh.  There is a strong resistance in me to giving up my independence – the right to decide what I will or won’t do; what is best for me; what is right or wrong according to my own standards.  And, while that spirit of independence is stronger in some of us than in others, I would suspect that if you are honest, you would have to admit that it is rather strong in you, as well.

It causes me to want to cry out like the Apostle Paul, “Oh, wretched man (woman) that I am!  Who will set me free from the body of this death?”  The resounding answer is, Jesus.  He is the only hope we have to live dependent upon our Father and in right relationship with one another!

My heart’s desire is that I might live in right relationship with my God, and with you.  So, all I can say is, “Change my heart, O God.”  Amen and amen.