Do you know how some people get up in the morning and move around, but they aren’t really awake?  It sometimes takes them hours to be fully awake and responsive.  Their eyes may be open but their minds are functioning slowly and they don’t like to engage in conversation.  They sort of just shuffle around until they wake up.  My husband is like that.  I tease him and tell him that the lights are on but nobody’s home until about noon.

Some of us, however, are awake the moment our eyes open in the morning.  Our minds kick into high gear before our feet hit the floor.  Our internal motors are revved and ready for whatever the day may bring.

I have read several things lately that talked about living out loud and living alive. That strikes a chord in me.  Just like the person who is fully awake and ready to face the day, I want to live like a woman alive – fully alive, aware, feeling and experiencing.  In fact, I wrote that in my journal.  And, as soon as I penned it, I realized that in order to do that, I must be willing to be vulnerable because it is impossible to feel and experience only good.  With the good, bad will also come.

In order to be fully alive, I will be vulnerable to hurt, fear, discouragement, frustration and a whole gamut of negative emotions.  But, I say, “Bring it on!” because I am willing to endure that in order to also experience life at its fullest!  I want to feel joy and have a life well-lived.

To do otherwise is to live life only half awake, like the first person I described.  To live only partially responsive, dulled to what is happening around you.  To live as though you are anesthetized…feeling neither pain nor joy.

Sometimes life beats us up and beats us down to the point that we give up.  Or we get confused about what we should do so we do nothing.  Or we’ve been hurt by relationships so we refuse to allow anyone to get close to us again.  We hold others at arms-length.  But, let me ask you, is that really living?  I don’t think so!

Mind you, when I said, “Bring it on!” I did not say it glibly because I know that the enemy of my soul is crafty.  He delights in throwing fast balls and hard balls that catch me off guard.  He wants me to live under a cloud so thick I can’t see the sun.  He delights when I isolate because of hurt.  He is ecstatic when am caught in the quicksand of depression and can’t seem to find my way out.

But, I am reminded that my God is greater in me than my enemy.  He has made me more than a conqueror!  He has made me royalty.  He has made me to reign!!  And, not just me…He has made you that, too!

We were not created to shuffle through life half awake.  We were created to LIVE and live alive and out loud!

Will you join me?

(In Part II I will discuss what living alive looks like for each of the four different personality styles.  Stay tuned!)

Now we are getting down to where the “rubber meets the road.”  We have discovered the different personality styles, blends, needs of each style, and briefly discussed those characteristics in moms and children.  All of that is great information to know.  However, just giving you information is not my goal!  Scripture encourages us in Proverbs 4:7 to “acquire wisdom (knowledge)” and to also “acquire understanding.”  It is in the application of our knowledge that real power comes!  Not only do I want you to know this information; I want you to understand how to put it to work in your relationships because I believe that you would agree that most of the pain and frustration you experience in life is because of your relationships.

And nowhere does this show up more frequently or dramatically than within the family.

Today we are going to begin a series of discussions about what happens when you stir all these different personality styles together, much like you would combine ingredients in a recipe.  And, I want to share some of my personal experiences as a D-type wife and mom.

As I have said before, my husband and I have five children, so as you might well imagine, there is a great variety of personality styles at play within our home.  My style blend is D/I/C with the D and I at the top of the chart, but my C is also quite high.  That means that I have a double task-orientation because of my D and C characteristics.  While my I style is very high, which gives me a large people component, it is often outweighed by the task side.  I ran a tight ship and my focus was on getting things done quickly and efficiently.  I expected obedience and compliance with the rules.  We could have fun after responsibilities were taken care of.

One of our daughters is also primarily D and she was our strong-willed child.  From the time she was born, she wanted to be in control.  And, of course, as a High D myself (and the mom), I was determined to be in control!  This created an almost constant tug-of-war between us.  I wanted things done my way, in my time.  She wanted to do things her way and when she got ready.  It was a very frustrating relationship – until I learned this information and realized what the problem was.  When I understood her need for choice, challenge and control, I began to look for ways that I could meet those needs and help reduce the stress between us.  Whenever possible, I gave her the freedom to choose between two different options.  I also gave her a measure of control over her schedule.  For instance, if there was a chore that was her responsibility, I would tell her that she could do it whenever she chose as long as it was done by the set time.  I cannot tell you what a difference that small adjustment made in our relationship!

One of our sons has a large I component to his personality style which meant that he was fun-loving, wanted few restrictions and rules, and lived in the moment.  He was full of creative ideas, but the issue that created in our relationship was that he was just as passionate about one idea today as he was a completely opposite idea the next.  That seemed very illogical to me and never seemed to be thought through, so when he would excitedly come to me with an idea, I would immediately ask questions like, “Have you thought about this?”  “What about that?”  Because I tend to think logically as a C and see the “big picture” as a D, my mind naturally tracked that if he wanted to do “X”, then he would need to do “A”, “B” and all the other letters in between, to accomplish his goal.  So, my intention in asking the questions was to help him see what needed to be done.  He didn’t see it that way!  To him, I was raining on his parade – crushing his dreams.  It was devastating to him.  When I realized how he viewed my questions, I was broken-hearted and promised to listen and hold my tongue the next time.  I was able to explain the motive behind my questions to him and he realized that I hadn’t meant to hurt him or crush his dreams.  That understanding between us revolutionized our relationship!

Another son is a very laid-back S.  He was never demanding, mostly compliant, and was very easy-going.  He was our easiest child in the sense that he was content with just about anything and everything.  Nothing was a big deal.  He didn’t mind waiting his turn.  He didn’t mind getting things for his brother and sisters when asked – which they did a lot!  We had to constantly remind him that he wasn’t anyone’s slave and that he could say ‘no’ to their requests.  It was difficult for me to understand his laid-back attitude.  As a D, I always had a goal that I was driving toward.  He wasn’t as driven.  I always had a strong a opinion about everything.  He didn’t.  I was always highly motivated.  He…not so much.  I was ready to charge hell with a water pistol; he was hesitant to initiate any action at all.  Until I learned this information, I judged his responses to life as lazy, unmotivated, and lacking initiative.  Then I realized that my way of looking at things wasn’t necessarily right and his wrong – they were just different.  I learned to appreciate the fact that he works at a steady pace; that he is calm in the face of storms; that his emotions are more level and not all over the place as mine often are; that he is the voice of reason.  He needed me to relax in my approach to him, soften my vocal tones, and lessen my intensity.  When I was able to do that, he felt safe to talk to me and our relationship changed.

My husband’s high styles are S and C, both of which are more reserved than my outgoing D and I.  We have always had a great relationship, but the one area of struggle for us has typically been in the difference between our pace.  I am an on-the-go, get-it-done, do-it-now kind of gal.  My husband, on the other hand, likes to relax, think things through before initiating action, and reluctant to start something until he is sure he has all he needs to complete the job.  I get recharged by doing something or going somewhere; he recharges by more sedate activities like watching a movie.  Early in our marriage I couldn’t understand how he could be so accommodating and involved with people at work and then be so seemingly reclusive at home.  It hurt my feelings!  When I began to understand that it was not an affront to me, but only a different way of recharging, I was able to give him the space he needed to do that.  Giving him that space allowed him to then be able to interact with me in the way I needed later on.  I also learned that I needed to give him time to process information before making a decision and quit expecting an answer “now”.  And, he learned to give me a time when I could expect an answer.

Relationships don’t have to be as difficult as we often make them.  Understanding can go a long way in smoothing the waters and making life more pleasant for everyone!  We will look into this further in upcoming articles.

If you would like more in-depth information about personality styles, or would like to find out more about your own, visit my website at www.align90.com.  And, if you have a women’s group, business or ministry team who would benefit from learning more about how to effectively work together, I would love to work with you!  

In last week’s article, What Kind of Mom Are You? we took a look at how some of the personality traits are exhibited in you as a mom.  As I have said before, even though these articles are painted with broad strokes, it is important to remember that none of us is purely one personality type.  We are all a blend of all four styles.  While I will again be painting with broad strokes as we discuss your children’s traits, they, too, are a blend of all four personality styles.

No doubt you have heard the term “strong-willed” child and perhaps, like me, you have one.  Actually, I have more than one!  This is the D child who enters the world with a lusty scream.  They seem demanding almost from the moment they arrive.  They readily let you know when they are hungry, need their diaper changed, or are unhappy.  It is almost as if they come out saying, “I’ve come to take over your world!  I am now in control!”  When they can talk, one of the things you are likely to hear often is, “I can do it myself!”  They are independent, determined, and dogmatic and they are not afraid of a challenge.  In fact, challenges seem to light their fire!  They need choice, challenge, and control.

The I child is a bright-eyed, happy little soul who almost never meets a stranger.  They coo and smile for everyone.  They are the ones who say ‘hi’ to everyone from the grocery cart as they are wheeled through the store.  They want to be entertained and to entertain others.  Their antics can almost always make you laugh.  However, they are easily bored because their attention span is short.  They thrive on activity.  They typically are early talkers and never seem to stop.  They always have something to say!  They usually have lots of friends and may even be voted most popular at school.  Either that, or class clown.  They are touchy-feely kinds of kids whose emotions are likely to be all over the place.  They need approval, recognition, and to be liked by everyone.

A little S baby often enters the world with hardly a peep.  They are pleasant, agreeable and the opposite of demanding.  In fact, they are typically content wherever they are.  Their pace is much slower than that of a D or I child.  They may seem to move in slow motion when compared to others.  They can play alone quietly for long periods of time and if another child should take their toy, they don’t usually make a big fuss.  They tend to be cuddly children who like to be held or to be close to you.  They also tend to be a bit shy and uncertain when placed in new surroundings.  Change is uncomfortable and it is in the face of change that you may experience resistance from them.  They are sweet and thoughtful.  Unlike the child who has a lot of I characteristics and is friends with everyone, the S child typically has one of two close friends.  While everyone loves their sweet demeanor, they tend to not be as social as the D or I child.  They need appreciation, security and assurance.

The C-style baby approaches everything with suspicion and caution.  When adults coo and make on over them, they are often met with icy stares that seem to say, “What kind of idiot are you?”  You can truly almost see the little wheels turning in their heads as they try to figure things out.  They rarely smile, no matter what antics you may use in an effort to get them to do so.  They prefer quiet activities that can be done alone like reading or puzzles.  They typically make good students and are fascinated by learning.  The question most often on their lips is, “Why?”  Social events are uncomfortable because they often find it difficult to initiate conversations and feel inept to do so.  They thrive on order and may be almost obsessive about having their “space” neat and tidy.  They also prefer to operate on routine schedules.  The needs of this type child are quality answers, excellence and order.

Life gets very interesting when you combine a number of these different personality traits under one roof!  We will take a look at some of the challenges that may create on your home front next week.

If you would like more in-depth information about personality styles, or would like to find out more about your own, visit my website at www.titus2consulting.com.  And, if you have a women’s group, business or ministry team who would benefit from learning more about how to effectively work together, I would love to work with you!  

I have said it before and I want to say it again:  We were created for relationship; with our creator, and with others.  In fact, when asked which law was most important out of the hundreds and hundreds of laws the children of Israel had, Jesus answered that it was to love the Lord our God with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength and to love our neighbor as ourselves. (Luke 10:27) Every relationship we have is summed up in that statement!  And, for those two things to be singled out from all the laws known to man shows just how serious this matter of relationships really is.  I am so passionate about sharing the information I have been sharing with you because I believe it is the key to all of life!  Let me share with you why.

First, let me say that I believe that part of our frustration in relationships comes because we get the sequence of Jesus’ answer all wrong.  He said that our first love has to be God.  He was the one who created us.  He is our Heavenly Father; we are His children.  He has a family connection to us and as the father of our family, He is the supreme authority who deserves to be listened to, respected, and obeyed.  He deserves to be loved because He is a father who loves us more than we can even begin to comprehend, and He always (whether we believe it or not) has our best interest at heart.

If you are a parent, you can identify with that parent/child relationship and you know that your own children have often balked at your authority or not understood your dictates being in their best interest.  When they desperately want to do something that you know would be harmful to them, you must say no.  No is not an answer that is readily and happily accepted.  In fact, the ensuing tantrums can be quite intense!  We want our children to love, respect, and trust us enough to follow our leadership.  God is no different and deserves no less!

Jesus’ answer then says that we are to love others as we do ourselves.  “As yourself” infers that we must love ourselves first before we can love others.  We often get that backwards.  We try to love others when we don’t love, understand, nor accept ourselves.  It just doesn’t work that way!

So, here’s my point in all of this and the reason I am so passionate about helping you to understand this DISC information.  When we really understand who we are and how we were designed, we are able to celebrate our uniqueness.  We are able to embrace the fact that everything ever created was created with a usefulness and purpose in mind.  And, we are drawn in reverence, awe, and love to the One who created us.  When we fully appreciate our design, we seek Him to understand the purpose for which we were created.  We love Him because He first loved us.  That’s the kind of relationship we are to have with Him.

When we are able to understand, accept and celebrate who we are, we are then more able to understand, appreciate and celebrate others.  But, the order has to be right:  God, first; ourselves, second; and then, others.

The DISC Model of Human Behavior is a tool that will help us in all of our relationships.  And, Jesus was sent here to be our mentor and to model how we should relate in each of those relationships.  He did it perfectly!  He related perfectly to His Father; He knew who He was; He knew what His purpose was; and He adjusted His style of communication in each and every situation to connect effectively with those with whom He interacted.

Knowing, understanding, and applying the personality information increases our chances of success in all of our relationships when we get the sequence of that scripture in the correct order and follow the example of Jesus in relating to others.

I so passionately want you to “get it” and I hope you do!

If you would like more in-depth information about personality styles, or would like to find out more about your own, visit my website at www.align90.com.  And, if you have a women’s group, business or ministry team who would benefit from learning more about how to effectively work together, I would love to work with you!  

Inside of every living thing, God has planted a seed.  It is His intended purpose for that seed to grow, mature, and produce life.  Just as that is true in nature, it is true in us as well.  Planted deep inside of who you are, is a seed that contains your destiny and a piece of God’s glory; a seed that when nurtured, will grow to produce fruit that will extend beyond yourself and your life.

As an Interaction Dynamics Specialist, I teach people to understand how they are wired and who they were created to be.  Nothing brings me greater joy than to see the light-bulbs of understanding go on in people as I teach, train, and write.  I know that is God’s intended purpose for me.  It is what I was designed to do!  And, when I’m doing what I was made to do, I feel like Eric Little in the movie, Chariots of Fire, when he said, “When I run, I feel God’s pleasure!”

Over the last few months I have written articles to help you begin to catch a glimpse of your design.  I hope by now that you are becoming aware of who you are and how you are wired.  Are you outgoing and focused on getting things done?  Are you outgoing, but have people as your focus?  Maybe you are focused on people, but tend to be more reserved.  Or, perhaps you are reserved and prefer to get your work done alone.  Whatever you are, you have been designed that way for a reason and what you are intended to do will best be expressed through your unique personality.

Are you aware that no one else in the whole wide world thinks or responds to life in exactly the same way you do?  Your family background, environmental influences, education, and life experiences, coupled with your personality make up, give you a uniquely different view of life.  Everything about you colors the way you process information and experiences.  That’s why it really is true that there is not now, nor will there ever be, anyone just like you.  So, then, it is also true that no one can fulfill God’s purpose or reflect His glory the way you can.

Some of you may be thinking, “Well, I don’t know what I was made to do.”  I believe that you may find a clue to that by looking at what has been most thwarted in your life.  Did you have big dreams to do grand things and accomplish large goals only to have them squashed or be told not to be ridiculous?  Were you made to feel that you couldn’t do those things?  Deep down inside you knew you were made for big things, but something made you doubt that you really could.  Let me tell you something – you really were made to accomplish big things, lead people, pioneer, discover.  The seed of those dreams was planted in you when you were born.  No matter what anyone else may have told you or made you to feel, you can now choose to let that seed germinate, take root and grow!

Were you an excited, talkative child who was “shushed” all the time and whose enthusiasm was not appreciated at home or at school?  You were created to talk and incite others to action.  You were designed to inspire.  You were crafted to use your voice and many words to encourage others.  Celebrate your design by allowing who you naturally are to shine as you were intended to do!  When you do, you are reflecting the glory of God’s encouraging nature.

It could be that you are a gentle and tender soul whose greatest desire is to help others.  Chances are that your softness has been interpreted as weakness.  You may have been told that you needed to toughen up, get over your feelings and quit being so sensitive.  May I tell you a secret?  The gentleness and tenderness of who you are reflects to the world that side of God’s character.  You may often be misunderstood as weak, but you have a quiet strength and level-headedness in the face of chaos that the rest of us need!

You may be a quiet thinker whose approach to life is cautious, careful and serious.  There is a good possibility that your many questions and insatiable desire to know the why of things have not been given credence.  Those who have a lighter view of life may have told you that you need to “lighten up” and not take things so seriously.  You may have been constantly pushed into social situations that were extremely uncomfortable for you.  What you need to know is that your purpose and destiny can be found within your unique take on life.  Many of the things that have been discovered about how things work have been found by people like you.  The deep and mysterious aspects of life are understood because of someone’s questioning and serious mind.

Let me tell you what I am NOT saying in all of this – that you can use your personality as an excuse for doing or not doing something; that you can use it as a weapon to inflict pain on someone else; that you can use it to pressure someone else into doing something you want them to do.  And, I certainly don’t believe that understanding the personality information is the only thing there is to understand about life.

What I AM saying is that your destiny – what you were made to do – will be found in how you were designed and that until you deeply understand who you were made to be, your purpose will be hard to find.  Don’t be afraid to take a look at those areas where you may have been hurt, misunderstood or suppressed.  They may hold clues for you and be the keys that will unlock your destiny!  Step into God’s purpose for you and be all that He created you to be.  Who you are was meant to be celebrated!

This time of year causes the majority of us to begin searching for the perfect gift for our loved ones and friends. In fact, just before Thanksgiving I was in a store doing some other shopping when I decided to look around to see if I could get some ideas for a gift for one of my dear friends. I really wasn’t looking to buy at that moment necessarily; I was just on a reconnaissance mission, I guess you could say. Anyway…suddenly I spied a quirky little Christmas tree that I thought my friend would enjoy. It was so cute and fun that for a brief moment, I considered keeping it for myself. I was thrilled with my find and excited to give it to her! Since I knew that she would be decorating soon for an early Christmas party, I wrapped it up and presented it to her later that very same day. She fairly danced with joy when she opened it. That was just the reaction I was hoping for! It gave me a great deal of pleasure to know that I had given her something that would bring a smile to her face for seasons to come.

Now, we all know that Christmas isn’t about giving the perfect gift to someone and that Jesus is the real reason for the season. Many an article, devotional and blog is written this time of year to remind us of that. And, in spite of the fact that we know that, we will still spend many hours in crowded malls and stores and spend lots of money on presents to put under our trees.

However, I would like to issue a challenge to you this year as you think about what you might give.

A few years ago our finances were tight leading up to the Christmas season. (Why is it that layoffs, downsizing and such always seems to happen right at the holidays?!) We have a large family, so we knew that buying gifts for everyone was out of the question, but I didn’t want to go empty-handed to our family celebration, so I decided to write each and every family member a special letter citing their many wonderful qualities and telling them how very special they were to me. I designed a pretty Christmas paper to print them on and lovingly tucked them into their envelopes.

Each person was deeply touched as they read their letters and even those who were too young to read yet, had eyes that sparkled as they heard what their parents read to them.

Scripture says that “life and death are in the power of the tongue”. Our words have great power in them to bless and encourage others. And, Proverbs tells us that “like apples of gold in settings of silver is a word spoken at the right time.” Those letters, though so simple and not at all some fancy gift purchased at the mall, were like gold to those who received them. They were cherished as if I had spent a lot of money to buy them. What I gave brought life.

Your finances may not be tight this year and you may not be limited at all in what you can give, but why not consider doing what I did? Take out a pen and piece of paper and write a note to those you love that lets them know just how special they are to you? It could be the best present they receive this Christmas season and one that they will cherish for years to come!