“…every man did what was right in his own eyes.” – Judges 21:25

I am a Certified Human Behavior Specialist and Senior Master Trainer.  I teach and train others how to recognize and understand the four basic personality styles in order to communicate more effectively and build better relationships.

One of the four basic personality styles is best described as the dominant, direct, demanding, decisive, determined, doer.  This type of person is fiercely independent; one who wants what she wants when she wants it.  She has a “can do” attitude and is perfectly content doing things all by herself.  In fact, she prefers it that way.

That would be me.  I have to work at remembering that I need others; that I need relationship.  It is very easy for me to get so focused on the tasks that I want to accomplish that I block out other people and things in the process.  Locked in that tunnel vision, I often operate as though I don’t need anyone or anything.  “I can do it myself!”

Independence is a trait that I have highly valued…until recently, when I saw it in a very different light.  I am beginning to see that an independent attitude is at the crux of all evil.

Think about it.  That one word and all the attitudes and judgments within it seem to be at the root of all that is wrong in the world.  Independence says, “I reserve the right to decide what is good or bad, right or wrong.  I reserve the right to judge everything and everyone by my own set of standards.”

In the Garden of Eden, Adam and Eve chose to act independently when they ate of the tree they had been instructed by God to avoid.  They looked at the fruit of that tree and decided for themselves that what God had said was not good for them to eat was, in fact, good.  They chose for themselves the right to determine what was best for them.  And that began a pattern that the human race has continued to follow to this very day.  Independence was the beginning of sin.

We were created to live in loving relationship with our Heavenly Father.  When we walk in dependence upon Him and in obedience to His instruction, we are able to live the life He intended.  If, however, we insist on our independence (on our right to make our own decisions concerning our lives), that is when we get ourselves into trouble.  It is independence that causes our separation from God and what made Jesus’ death necessary.  He was sacrificed on the altar of our independence.

Not only were we created to live in relationship with God, but we were also created to live in relationship with each other.  We have been given an Operators Manual, the Bible, to tell us how those relationships function best.  They work best when we value others as we value ourselves; when we put another’s good before our own; when we love sacrificially.

As I say that, I realize that it sounds all well and good, and in my head at least, I believe it’s true.  But, in the daily-ness and reality of everyday living, it seems impossible and unrealistic.  Who can really live like that?  Do I even want to?  If I try to live like that, aren’t I exposing myself to the possibility of being taken advantage of or run over by someone else?  Those questions reveal the depth of my independent spirit; and the rest of human-kind as well.

We often wonder why our relationships are broken; why we find it so difficult to get along.  But, if we were to take a long, hard look, I think we would have to admit that it is because of this very issue.  It is at the crossroads where our individual independence intersects that difficulty begins.  It is where wrecks take place in our relationships.

This whole thing strikes at the core of who I am and I’m not sure I like where this line of thinking is taking me…at least not in my flesh.  There is a strong resistance in me to giving up my independence – the right to decide what I will or won’t do; what is best for me; what is right or wrong according to my own standards.  And, while that spirit of independence is stronger in some of us than in others, I would suspect that if you are honest, you would have to admit that it is rather strong in you, as well.

It causes me to want to cry out like the Apostle Paul, “Oh, wretched man (woman) that I am!  Who will set me free from the body of this death?”  The resounding answer is, Jesus.  He is the only hope we have to live dependent upon our Father and in right relationship with one another!

My heart’s desire is that I might live in right relationship with my God, and with you.  So, all I can say is, “Change my heart, O God.”  Amen and amen.

We are a people enthralled with DIY projects! Social media is filled with sites that show us how to take something old and make it into something new. I am amazed sometimes at the ideas people come up with to take an object from drab to fab. There are even TV channels dedicated to shows like Flip or Flop and Fixer Upper where an outdated, run-down home is reclaimed, restored and repurposed, making it beautiful again. In an hour’s time we are able to see the transformation take place and are wowed by the results.

Chip and Joanna Gaines, a couple out of Waco, Texas, and hosts of Fixer Upper, are the king and queen of restoring homes and repurposing the furnishings inside. While the “country” style they are known for is not my own, I certainly appreciate what they are able to do and create.

As I listened to the Easter message being preached at our church yesterday, it occurred to me that when Jesus becomes our Lord and Savior, God commences His very own DIY project in our lives.

We are RECLAIMED – Scripture tells us we were dead and lost in sin. Without Christ, God’s original plan for our lives is eroded and sin takes its toll, leaving us used up, tarnished and empty, much like some of the houses we see on the shows I’ve mentioned. But, like Chip and Joanna Gaines, God has a vision of what we can become, so He willing paid the price that we might be redeemed – RECLAIMED! What was lost is found and we were bought with the blood of Jesus Christ.

We are RESTORED – The process of renovation begins the moment we accept the price paid for us. Walls of separation are torn down, the old is removed, clutter cleared, everything that is not useful is taken away in order to clear the way for the new to come. Once demolition is complete, rebuilding can begin. What was left after the demolition is strengthened and polished. God begins to put new walls (boundaries) in place and re-define the “space” of our lives. He fills that space with light and new life.

We are REPURPOSED – Even the “junk” of our lives can be repurposed. Just like the Gaines’ find pieces that are sometimes rusty, dented, or weathered and turn them into pieces of “character” that decorate the walls of the homes they re-do, every difficult circumstance, painful experience or ugly reality, God can repurpose and turn into something beautiful. Those things are what make us who we are, so rather than throw them out entirely, God turns them into trophies of His grace and sets them on a shelf in order to displace His goodness in our lives. We are repurposed for HIS glory!

“For we (YOU) are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God
prepared in advance for us to do…” (Ephesians 2:10). So, THAT is the Easter message. Jesus died, was buried, and rose again in order that you might be RECLAIMED, RESTORED, and REPURPOSED!

A couple of weeks ago the grandmother of one of my sons-in-law passed away and I attended the visitation. Then my cousin’s husband died over the weekend. That has caused me to think about death, funerals, and that whole process. Not in a morbid way…just thinking about the way we tend to do things when death occurs.

I wondered why it is that we wait until someone is gone to say nice things about them or why we wait until their funeral to send flowers. Oh, I understand that we do those things in order to honor them, but would it not be more meaningful to say and do those things when they are still alive? I’m sure family members of the deceased appreciate knowing what their loved one meant to those around them, but the person who is gone can’t hear those kind words or smell the fragrance of the flowers adorning their room. Why do we wait?

It made me realize that I don’t want that for myself. If I have blessed someone’s life, I want to know it now. If someone is going to send me flowers, I want to enjoy them while I can smell them and enjoy the beauty. When I’m gone, those things won’t matter to me.

It also made me realize that if I don’t want that for myself, why would I wait to tell those I care about how much they bless my life?

Here’s what I’ve decided…I’ve decided to begin writing notes to let those who have blessed me know about it. There are so many who have enriched my life and who don’t know it because I’ve held that blessing inside. I no longer want to withhold the kinds of words usually reserved for someone’s eulogy. I want them to hear it from me now, while they can still receive it.

On my recent birthday, several people wrote notes telling me how much I had meant to them and wishing me a happy birthday. Some of them were from friends I knew years ago and I was unaware they felt that way about me. Those words were like salve to my soul!

So, if I’ve meant something to you, please tell me now. If you would send flowers for my funeral, I would enjoy them so much more in the present than then. So would the others who have blessed your life in some way. Don’t wait until they are gone to say so.

And, don’t be surprised if you receive a note from me sometime in the future!

I had the wonderful opportunity recently to hang out with two of my daughters, celebrating our birthdays. In conversation over lunch, I was expressing some apprehension about something when one of them said, “Maybe you need to change your thinking about that.” It wasn’t said harshly or critically at all. Her point was that the picture that I had in my mind about the subject may have been correct at one point in my life, but not now, because I am in a different stage. She was absolutely right! And, in thinking about it, I wondered how many other things I may need to change my thinking about.

I wish I could remember where I read it, but I read a book where the author was talking about the way we often limit how happy we can be because of our “musts”. This must happen before I can be happy. For instance, I can’t be happy until I lose 10 pounds. I won’t be happy until I’m married. I will be happy when I am making _____ amount of money. You get the idea.

We all have a picture of how our life should be and what we want out of life. And, we need goals and direction in our lives, however, I think that sometimes we hold that picture so tightly in our minds that there is no room for anything different and we fail to enjoy life as it is.

As I pondered my daughter’s comment this morning, I realized that I am very much like one of our sons. He is an incredibly talented artist, but few people know it. When he paints or draws, he has a picture in his head that he is trying to translate to canvas or paper. However, if it doesn’t turn out exactly how he sees it in his head, if even one tiny thing is “off”, he scraps the whole thing. He will whitewash over it and start all over or trash it completely. I have been saddened over the years when I’ve seen what he was working on and it was wonderful, only to find out later that it got scraped. Consequently, his talent is hidden and the world is denied the pleasure of it.

I don’t know about you, but my life looks surprisingly different from the picture I held when I was young. Little has turned out the way I thought it would. Life has a way of throwing us curve balls and taking us down different paths than we expected to travel. Those are the things, however, that add color, dimension and texture to the painting of our lives. What a disservice we do to ourselves when we can’t be happy because it looks different than we expected, or when we limit the number of ways we can be happy because we have too many “musts”!

The time to change something is the moment we realize it needs to change. That time is now for me! I want to release my grip on life. I want to free myself to enjoy every minute of my fleeting time on this earth. I want my life, even the unexpected twists and turns that color it, to be a blessing to others.

Maybe you can identify with my struggle. If so, why not join me in surveying your list of “musts” and change the way you think about them so that you can be happy? Happiness truly is a choice. Give yourself as many ways to experience it as possible by letting go of your self-imposed restrictions.

You know how you can know something and then one day you KNOW it? I had one of those moments this morning.

I was coming home from my workout class and had the radio on The FISH. I honestly don’t remember if it was from a song or if one of the radio hosts referred to the scripture that says, “they overcame by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony” (Revelation 12:11), but it began to rattle around in my brain. It was not a new scripture to me; I’ve heard it many times, but I suddenly had a new thought about it, so when I got home, I looked it up in context. Here are my observations:

“They” refers to those who have been saved by the blood of the Lamb; those that the accuser “keeps bringing before our God” day and night with accusations and charges. That would be me and you! Satan is relentless in his charges and accusations. He stands before God continually throwing up our sin to Him…and to us. But, the way we overcome that is first of all by the blood; Jesus’ blood that was shed for us on Calvary. The blood washes us clean from the sin that brought the accusation in the first place. Our sin, which was as red as scarlet, is now washed clean, as white as snow. Once it is covered in the blood, there isn’t even a trace of it left as far as God is concerned. There is nothing left for the accusation to stick to or to bring us condemnation.

The second way we overcome is by the word of our testimony…by the words that come out of our mouths. That was the part that struck me this morning. We overcome when we confess and acknowledge that our sin is washed clean, when we confess God’s truth, when we walk in the light rather than confessing negativity, doubt and worry.

We will be overcome by our circumstances and the condemnation of our sins (whether past or present), unless we begin to trust in and confess by the words that come out of our mouths God’s truth. He has made a way for us to be free from our enemy’s accusations. He has made us MORE than conquerors! He has made us victorious!

Become aware of what you are speaking. Think about what you’re thinking about. Make certain that you are in agreement with Truth and not with the accuser of your soul! Let the words of your mouth and the meditation of your heart be pleasing to the Lord and overcome!

We’ve all either seen or heard of the Grinch who stole Christmas. He is the mean-spirited, green character from the Dr. Seuss story who “slithered and slunked, with a smile most unpleasant, around the whole room, and took every present.” You can probably hear the song playing in your head even now. But, the Grinch isn’t the only one or only thing that can steal our Christmas.

I don’t know about you, but Christmas often comes and goes so quickly that I’m left feeling a bit disappointed and/or wishing that I could have a do-over so that I would enjoy it more, savoring the moments.

Scripture says that no one, if they knew when the thief would come, would allow their home to be invaded or their belongings stolen. (Luke 12:39) And, there is a saying, “You can’t BEWARE of something until first you are AWARE,” so, my purpose in this is to shout out a warning and make you aware of the danger so that you can BEWARE this Christmas season. Here are a few of the things that can steal your Christmas:

Worry…Have you noticed that just before the holidays companies seem to decide that it’s a good time to lay off people or that some unexpected expenditures seem to pop up? That often causes us to worry and fret that there won’t be enough to do for those we love what we would like to do. We stew over the added expenses that the holiday brings until it sends us into a tailspin.

May I make a suggestion if that’s where you find yourself this Christmas? Love, time and attention cost nothing and those are the very best Christmas presents you can give! Gifts under the tree are often opened, enjoyed for a moment and then end up forgotten in the clutter of a closet somewhere, but the feeling of being loved and time given to someone can create a memory that can last a lifetime. So, if you find yourself short on financial resources, why not give something more lasting and release the unnecessary tension of worry?

Unrealistic Expectations…Many of us have unrealistic expectations of what Christmas should be. We want a Currier and Ives kind of Christmas – one where everyone is happy, pleasant, and fun to be around. We want the warm fuzzies of childhood Christmases past.

I want to tell you a secret: If you are holding onto those kinds of expectations, you are almost certain to be disappointed! You are not in the same place you were last year and neither is anyone else. It’s a new day, a new time. So, while you may have traditions that you practice each holiday season, hold those traditions and expectations lightly. Take each moment and each person as they come and release them from the prison of having to meet your expectations. You will be much happier and so will they!

Busyness…There is shopping, parties to attend, extra cooking to be done, and often guests to think about during the holidays and we can get so caught up in doing all of those things that when all is said and done, we wonder what in the world just happened! We’re left drained and sometimes feeling cheated of the time we wanted to have with the special people in our lives. But, the truth is, no one is in charge of your schedule but you! YOU choose what you will and won’t do. So, this year, decide who and what is most important to you and then schedule only those things that allow you to have the kind of Christmas you really want. No one steals your time. You give it away!

This certainly isn’t an exhaustive list of the things that can steal your Christmas spirit, but I think they are three of the biggest. Now that you are AWARE, you can BEWARE. Don’t let the Grinch or anyone or anything else sneak in and take your joy this year!

Remembering what Christmas is really all about and keeping that as your focus will allow you to have more “peace on earth and goodwill toward men”!

Have a very MERRY CHRISTMAS and a productive and HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

“Love your neighbor as yourself,” (Matthew 22:39) is a quote that most people have heard whether they go to church or not, and most of us understand that by “neighbor” it means not just the person or persons living next door to us, but all others as well. We also have a concept of what it means to love our neighbor, but I think many of us are perhaps confused about what it means to love ourselves.

When we think of someone loving themselves, we often think of them as being conceited, and having an exaggerated view of one’s self or thinking more highly of yourself than you ought is conceit. However, that is not what we are being instructed to do.

I believe what we are being instructed to do is to respect ourselves and this is what I think that looks like:

Realize your value

Someone once said, “God don’t make no junk!” Now, I know that is not grammatically correct, but you get the meaning. And, while we would give mental ascent to that, I believe many of us look at ourselves in the mirror and are critical of what we see. We look at the mistakes we have made in our lives and believe that those mistakes have made us losers, failures and of no value. May I tell you something? You are not what you see in the mirror! You are not your past! You are of infinitely more worth than any of that!!! You are of such great value to the One who made you that He paid the ultimate price for you by sending His only Son to redeem you! Redeem means, among other things, to buy back, repair and restore. No matter what you see or what you’ve done, you are a person of worth and value! If God think so, who are we to think less?

Set boundaries

Do you know where your neighbor’s yard begins and ends? Most of us do. Often those boundaries are marked by fences that show us where our property ends and another’s begins. We should also have clear boundaries around our person, too. They are healthy and necessary. They define who we are and what we will allow.

You would not be happy if someone barged into your home and took what was yours or trashed your property, would you? No. You expect people to respect your home and your things. You should expect nothing less when it comes to your person. You have a right to expect respect when it comes to your time, your feelings, and how you are treated. So, don’t be afraid to put healthy boundaries around yourself and hold them firmly. You teach others how to treat you so teach them to treat you with respect.

Watch your language!

For most of my life I have struggled with an unhealthy body image. Because of that, the voices in my head are very unkind! In fact, a barrage of negative labels and self-talk starts the moment I wake up nearly every morning. One morning not too long ago, the self-talk was particularly vicious and all of a sudden it dawned on me, “I would NEVER talk to anyone else the way I’m talking to myself right now!” I decided right then and there that if I wouldn’t talk to anyone else like that, I should not allow myself to talk to me like that either!” And, neither should you. Take mental inventory of what you say to yourself and be careful to speak as kindly to yourself as you would your neighbor.

Practice good self-care

Another way to love yourself is to understand what you need in order to be healthy in body, soul (mind, will and emotions), and spirit. We are all “wired” differently so we have different needs when it comes to these things. Some of us get our batteries recharged by physical activity or lots of interaction with others. Some of us are recharged by unstructured activity like watching a movie or with something cognitive like working a crossword puzzle or reading a book. It is important to understand what we need in each of those areas and then create the time to see that those needs are met. I can almost hear some of you thinking right now, “I don’t have time to think about that, let alone do it!” That’s why I said that you will need to create the time. No one will give you the time to do it, so you will have to create it for yourself.

I truly believe that it is impossible to really love someone else until and unless we love ourselves first. When we are unhappy with ourselves, we’re not happy with anyone else either. It isn’t selfish or conceited to love ourselves. If it were, we would not have been instructed to do it. Learn to love who and what you are and you will be able to love others, too.

I am a speaker/trainer and would love to speak at your next event. To find out more about me or book me for your group, go to www.align90.com.

Dear Friends:

I would like to ask for your help.

This year is quickly coming to an end and I am looking to fill my 2015 calendar with speaking engagements. I know that many of you are part of churches, civic groups, and other groups that often are looking for a speaker for one of their events, so I want to let you know what I do in case you hear of an event for which I would be a good fit.

I am a subject matter expert in relationship development and communication skills and a Certified Senior Master Trainer in the DISC Model of Human Behavior. I have a passion to help people build relationships that work, both personally and professionally, and to help women in particular to discover their true value and worth.

In the church:

Having been in the ministry with my husband for over 30 years, I have a vast background of speaking and teaching within the Christian community. I have taught Bible studies; led parenting, marriage and women’s retreats; taught classes for varying age groups; and worked with two churches to set up membership classes that moved people from the pews into service.

In the civic and business community:

I have worked with MOPS groups (Mothers of Pre-Schoolers), Heartland Women’s Health Care of Kansas City, various marketing and sales groups associated with Mary Kay Cosmetics and Pampered Chef, GWG Global Friendship Connection of Atlanta, Environ Global Inc. of Atlanta, and others, to help them build more effective teams.

I have also trained hundreds of business professionals from all over the U.S. and Canada, and from as far away as Dubai, Australia, the UK, Singapore, Poland, Japan, Czech Republic, and Africa to use the DISC Model of Human Behavior within their businesses to reduce stress, lower turnover, build better teams and raise their bottom line.

If you know of any group or business needing a speaker for their next event, I would greatly appreciate your referral.

I am grateful for your friendship and do not want to presume upon it. I just know that word of mouth and personal recommendation is the best advertisement a person can receive. When a friend of mine recommends something to me, I am more likely to check it out, so I hope you will recommend me to your friends, family, colleagues, and groups you attend.

Thank you in advance!

Have a wonderful Christmas season and a blessed New Year!

We have just celebrated Thanksgiving and I hope your heart was as filled with gratitude for family and friends as mine.

I grew up thinking that Thanksgiving was instituted as a national holiday because the Indians and Pilgrims celebrated together at Plymouth Rock. Is that what you were taught too? Would you be as surprised as I was to know that Thanksgiving actually became woven into the fabric of our nation because of a woman?!? It’s true. Her name was Sarah Josepha Hale.

Several times in the early years of our colonies, a day of Thanksgiving was proclaimed, but it never became a national tradition. Once was after the War of Independence was won. Another was in 1789 after President George Washington decreed November 26 to be the official day. However, none of those events became the recurring celebration that we now recognize.

Sarah Josepha Hale was a mother of five children, a professional writer and editor of a woman’s magazine. She was the first woman editor in our country at that time and she used that platform and her influence to promote a national day of thanks. She wrote hundreds of letters to presidents and governors over a span of almost 40 years in an effort to gain their support for her cause. As editor of the woman’s magazine, she published Thanksgiving recipes annually, along with other articles and stories with the Thanksgiving theme in order to promote her agenda. She was persistent in her campaign for an annual day of thanks.

Finally, she gained traction and buy-in when, during the Civil War she wrote a letter to William Seward, then Secretary of State, suggesting that a national day of Thanksgiving would be a “truly American” way to unify our country and “offer to God our tribute of joy and gratitude for the blessings of the year.” The letter was passed along to President Abraham Lincoln, who in agreement then set the last Thursday of November, 1863 as national Thanksgiving Day. And, the rest, as they say, is history.

Added now to my list of things to be grateful for this season of Thanksgiving is a woman of courage, persistence, and dedication who was not willing to give up on something she so passionately believed in and who used all of her talent and skills to see it accomplished.

She is a wonderful example to each woman today to “Go, and do likewise”! (Luke 10:37)

I wonder how many of us would have applied for parenthood had we been given this job description? I dare say most of us would have at least given it a little more consideration first before jumping into the task!

This is not original with me; I’m not that clever, and I can’t remember the source or I would most certainly give you the reference and give acknowledgement where it is due.  But, I wanted to share it with you anyway because, while parenting is sometimes a daunting task and one that we often feel ill-equipped to handle, it is still the most blessed privilege anyone can be given.

Oh, and be sure to read all the way to the end!  Enjoy.

PARENT

Job Description

POSITION:

• Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma
• Dad, Daddy, Dada, Pa, Pop

JOB DESCRIPTION:

• Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work in an often chaotic environment.
• Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call.
• Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities!
• Travel expenses not reimbursed.
• Extensive courier duties also required.

RESPONSIBILITIES:

• The rest of your life.
• Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs $5.
• Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
• Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
• Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers.
• Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects.
• Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks
• Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, and suffer embarrassment the next.
• Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys and battery operated devices.
• Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
• Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product.
• Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.

POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:

• None
• Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you.

PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:

• None required, unfortunately.
• On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.

WAGES AND COMPENSATION:

• Get this!  You pay them!
• Offering frequent raises and bonuses.
• A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent – in turn you help financially as much as you can.
• When you die, you give them whatever is left.
• The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.

BENEFITS:

• While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth, unconditional love, and free hugs and kisses for life, if you play your cards right.

**AND A FOOTNOTE**

THERE IS NO RETIREMENT – EVER!!!

 (If you are fortunate enough, you will become a grandparent.)