“Love your neighbor as yourself,” (Matthew 22:39) is a quote that most people have heard whether they go to church or not, and most of us understand that by “neighbor” it means not just the person or persons living next door to us, but all others as well. We also have a concept of what it means to love our neighbor, but I think many of us are perhaps confused about what it means to love ourselves.

When we think of someone loving themselves, we often think of them as being conceited, and having an exaggerated view of one’s self or thinking more highly of yourself than you ought is conceit. However, that is not what we are being instructed to do.

I believe what we are being instructed to do is to respect ourselves and this is what I think that looks like:

Realize your value

Someone once said, “God don’t make no junk!” Now, I know that is not grammatically correct, but you get the meaning. And, while we would give mental ascent to that, I believe many of us look at ourselves in the mirror and are critical of what we see. We look at the mistakes we have made in our lives and believe that those mistakes have made us losers, failures and of no value. May I tell you something? You are not what you see in the mirror! You are not your past! You are of infinitely more worth than any of that!!! You are of such great value to the One who made you that He paid the ultimate price for you by sending His only Son to redeem you! Redeem means, among other things, to buy back, repair and restore. No matter what you see or what you’ve done, you are a person of worth and value! If God think so, who are we to think less?

Set boundaries

Do you know where your neighbor’s yard begins and ends? Most of us do. Often those boundaries are marked by fences that show us where our property ends and another’s begins. We should also have clear boundaries around our person, too. They are healthy and necessary. They define who we are and what we will allow.

You would not be happy if someone barged into your home and took what was yours or trashed your property, would you? No. You expect people to respect your home and your things. You should expect nothing less when it comes to your person. You have a right to expect respect when it comes to your time, your feelings, and how you are treated. So, don’t be afraid to put healthy boundaries around yourself and hold them firmly. You teach others how to treat you so teach them to treat you with respect.

Watch your language!

For most of my life I have struggled with an unhealthy body image. Because of that, the voices in my head are very unkind! In fact, a barrage of negative labels and self-talk starts the moment I wake up nearly every morning. One morning not too long ago, the self-talk was particularly vicious and all of a sudden it dawned on me, “I would NEVER talk to anyone else the way I’m talking to myself right now!” I decided right then and there that if I wouldn’t talk to anyone else like that, I should not allow myself to talk to me like that either!” And, neither should you. Take mental inventory of what you say to yourself and be careful to speak as kindly to yourself as you would your neighbor.

Practice good self-care

Another way to love yourself is to understand what you need in order to be healthy in body, soul (mind, will and emotions), and spirit. We are all “wired” differently so we have different needs when it comes to these things. Some of us get our batteries recharged by physical activity or lots of interaction with others. Some of us are recharged by unstructured activity like watching a movie or with something cognitive like working a crossword puzzle or reading a book. It is important to understand what we need in each of those areas and then create the time to see that those needs are met. I can almost hear some of you thinking right now, “I don’t have time to think about that, let alone do it!” That’s why I said that you will need to create the time. No one will give you the time to do it, so you will have to create it for yourself.

I truly believe that it is impossible to really love someone else until and unless we love ourselves first. When we are unhappy with ourselves, we’re not happy with anyone else either. It isn’t selfish or conceited to love ourselves. If it were, we would not have been instructed to do it. Learn to love who and what you are and you will be able to love others, too.

I am a speaker/trainer and would love to speak at your next event. To find out more about me or book me for your group, go to www.align90.com.

We have a large family of five children and seventeen grandchildren. When we all get together, it is quite a crew, but we enjoy our huge family gatherings. Yesterday we established a new, fun family tradition – a pumpkin carving contest. It was a highly anticipated event! We were all excited just to be together, but we were also excited to see what each person would create.

We each came with our pumpkin and design idea, along with the tools needed to carve our own “masterpiece”. After eating lunch, we all gathered outside where long tables and benches had been set for us to work.

While each of us had a pumpkin, they were not all the same. Some were larger than others; some were darker in color. One was even variegated. Some were oblong while others were more round.

We didn’t all have the same tools with which to carve our pumpkins either. Some came with a few simple tools, while others came with more “serious” ones, like a dremel and a large carving knife.

Each person approached the task differently. Some started cutting into their pumpkins right away, while others took the time to “plan” their approach. Some used patterns that they traced onto their pumpkins or scotch taped to them in order to follow carefully their outline and know precisely where to cut. Others just sort of free-handed it. Some were focused and serious about the task while others took a more fun and light-hearted approach. Some chose just to help others rather than carve their own individual pumpkin.

As I was thinking this morning about all the fun we had, here are thoughts that occurred to me:

Just like we each came to the table with the same thing – a pumpkin, every person comes into this world with the same thing – life. But, the “raw material” of our lives is not the same. We each come with inherent personality traits, as well as different physical characteristics that dictate our size and shape.

We do not all come equipped with the same tools with which to carve out our lives, either. We all have our own unique set of skills, talents and abilities and ways of using those tools, but we are given the freedom to carve our lives the way we choose.

Just as with the pumpkins, some of us have a serious approach to any task while others prefer to take a lighter approach. Some of us prefer to have a plan and we stick to it. Others like to be more spontaneous in their creativity.

Some of our pumpkins didn’t turn out as we expected and sometimes our lives don’t turn out the way we planned. Things happen that we didn’t expect or intend.

As I looked at some of the pumpkins, I couldn’t tell what they were supposed to be. ..at least, not until they were filled with light. The picture that accompanies this is a perfect example. One of our granddaughters carved a “minion” (a character from the animated film, Despicable Me). When I looked at it, it looked like a big gaping hole to me. I could not see the intended design. But later, when it was dark outside and the light shined through it, it was obvious and so cute! In fact, each of the pumpkin’s design was better revealed when it was lit with light and our lives are the same. Sometimes life carves what looks like huge gaping holes in us, but when the light of God’s Son shines through those holes, we are able to see His design and it makes sense.

When we finished our pumpkins, we lined them all up and celebrated each person’s creation. No two were alike. Each was unique. And, as humans, we are all unique. Each person deserves to be celebrated for who they are, just as we celebrated our pumpkins!

Celebrate your life and let the Son shine through! Then celebrate His design in others!

I am a speaker/trainer and would love to speak at your next event. To find out more about me, go to www.align90.com.