My husband and I just completed a road trip from Atlanta to Kansas City and back.  Somewhere along the way, I saw a sign that said, “Someday is today!” and many years ago I came across the saying, “Someday isn’t a day of the week!”  I love both of those quips and my mind sort of camped out on them for a bit as we traveled down the road.

All of us are prone to put things off at times.  Our reasons are as varied as we are and our excuses for putting things off can be rather elaborate.  Some of us have a greater tendency toward that malady than others.  In fact, some of us are chronic procrastinators.

The Dominant (D) type personality typically isn’t afraid of a challenge and prefers to “attack” a task and get it over and done with so that they can move on to the next task.  And, nothing feels better to them than to be able to check those things off their list.

However, one thing that may cause them to procrastinate is when they face a situation or task they surmise they may not be able to “win” at doing.  D’s don’t typically like playing anything if they don’t think they can win, so if a task seems too daunting or is one for which they lack the necessary skills to do adequately, they are likely to put off that task as long as possible.

The Inspiring (I) type individual is prone to putting off things that don’t have an element of fun to them or a task that would take a lot of time to complete.  I’s like short-term projects, so the thought of doing something long-term tends to de-energize them and gives them reason to procrastinate.  And, certainly if the task does not have an element of fun to it, they will not be motivated to even start it.

Of all the personality styles, the Supportive (S) type has the greatest tendency to put things off until another time.  One of their mottos seems to be, “Why do today what you can put off until tomorrow?”  Or, maybe this one: “I’ll do it when I get around to it.”

For the S-type, the thing that seems to cause them to drag their feet the most in starting a project or task is the “how-to”.  If they are unclear on how to do what they need to do, they are very hesitant to start.  And, if it is a task they must do alone, it may become one of those things they put off until tomorrow.  They much prefer doing tasks with someone else, or better yet, a team of people.

The Cautious (C) type personality is driven by rules and doing the “right thing,” so if they have determined that the task at hand is something they “ought” to do or is the “right thing” to do, they are not as likely to put it off.  However, they are also agenda and schedule driven, so if the task they are asked to do isn’t on their self-made schedule or agenda, they may be resistant to doing it and want to put it off as long as possible.

One thing is certain; procrastination can cause all of us a good deal of stress no matter what our personality style.  When we put things off until a later time, they seem to compound because life doesn’t stop until we decide to do them.  It then becomes easy to reach the level of overwhelm, which only serves to complicate the matter.

But, since this is a self-inflicted malady, it is something that we can eliminate by adopting and utilizing the mantra, “Someday is not a day of the week!  Someday is TODAY!”

I am a speaker/trainer/coach and I would love to speak at your next event or help you maximize your potential. To find out more, go to www.align90.com

Expectations – we all have them. We come pre-programmed with some of them and others come from our conditioning or environment.  We have expectations of ourselves and of others and those expectations dramatically impact our behavior.  When there is a gap between my expectations and yours, that is when conflict generally happens.  So, what are some of the pre-programmed expectations we have?

Those who are Dominant, Direct, Demanding, Decisive, Determined, Doers expect others to move at the same fast pace with which they move.  They expect results.  They expect others to cut the “fluff” and get to the bottom line when talking with them.  They expect there to be a really good reason for any interruptions you may bring to their work day and a purpose behind each request made of them.  They expect people to have the same focus and intensity they do when it comes to getting things done.  In other words, they have high expectations of others.  But, when it comes to what they expect from themselves – that is a different story!  They tend to want to reserve the right to change their expectations of themselves if and when necessary or desired.

The Inspiring, Impressionable, Influencing, Interactive, Impressive type tends not to hold high expectations of themselves or of anyone else either.  That’s because they like to “go with the flow” and often have a more carefree outlook on life.  They want the freedom to choose in the moment what they will or won’t do and are frequently willing to allow others to do the same.  Having said that, however, the one expectation that they do have is that everyone else adhere to the same expectation.  They can become quite frustrated or angry when others want to hold them to a stricter standard.

What about those who are Supportive, Stable, Sweet, Shy, and like Status Quo?  This type holds herself to a higher standard than she has for others.  She is much more willing to allow others more grace than she is willing to give herself.  In fact, one of the greatest stressors for this type individual is that he or she tries desperately to meet the expectations of others and in doing so, often over commits.  They will swear to their own hurt rather than inconvenience someone else.  Whatever they commit to doing, they do.

Finally, the Cautious, Competent, Careful, Calculating, Conscientious type has the highest expectations and standards of all.  They expect a lot out of others and the same of themselves.  They follow the rules (whatever they may be) and expect you to do the same.  They expect that you be on time, follow the prescribed procedure for a task, and keep your word.  There is little to no latitude or grace given if you fail on any account.  Failure and deep disappointment are feelings they are very familiar with because their standard of perfection is rarely met – by themselves or anyone else.  This level of expectation causes great inner stress and frequent misunderstandings or conflict with others.

So, then, what is our typical response when these differing expectations are not met?  The Dominant (D) type often responds with angry and sometimes explosive outbursts.  The Inspiring (I) type typically resorts to blame.  Because both of these types are Outgoing, they tend to be very verbal when upset.  I liken them to skunks who spray their “stink” and walk away.  After they spew, the pressure is released and they are able to let it go.  However, they have left a trail behind them and can’t quite understand why everyone else isn’t over it, too. The Supportive (S) type will often respond to unmet expectations by holding a grudge.  In fact, they are sometimes prone to collecting them.  The Cautious (C) style is likely to keep a running list of your offenses and could tell you the dates, times and occasions when you have let them down.  This type of response can lead to bitterness.  I compare these two types to turtles.  Because they are Reserved, when they are hurt or offended, they become silent and withdraw into their shell.  And, it is not unusual for them to stay in the safety of their shell for a long time. .

What do we learn and what is the take-away from this?  In the training classes I do, there is a powerful saying, “You cannot BEWARE of something till first you are AWARE.”  When you become aware of your own level of expectation and typical responses, you can choose to respond differently.  You begin to understand that not everyone has the same expectations you do and hopefully will become willing to grow in your ability to offer some grace when they go unmet by others.

I am a speaker and trainer and would love to speak at your next event. To learn more about me, go to www.align90.com.

Did you get an allowance when you were growing up?  Some of us were given generous allowances.  Some received less.  And, some received none at all.  A few of us were wise and saved some of our allowance.  A few spent all they received.

Every day each of us is given another kind of allowance – 24 hours in which to live life the way we choose.  It is the same allotment of time for everyone.  There is no inequity in this gift.  Time, however, is different than money; we cannot save it or bank it.  We can only spend it.  And, once it is gone, it is gone.  We cannot retrieve it.

Did you know that not everyone views time the same way?  The way we view and spend our time is greatly affected by our personality style, just as everything else we do is affected by it.  So, let’s take a look at each of the different styles to see if we can gain some understanding, because as you will see, the differences can be a source of great misunderstanding and frustration.

Before I jump into it, however, let me just refresh your memory a bit.  Remember that the Dominant (D) type personality is all about results, getting things done, forward motion, and achieving goals.  The Inspiring (I) type wants to have fun, go with the flow, have flexibility, and enjoy life along the way.  The Supportive (S) type is laid back, helpful, enjoys team-work, and likes the “tried and true”.  And, lastly, the Cautious (C) type is detail-oriented, structured, proper, and correct.

With that little bit of review, then, let’s see how our traits tend to influence our view of time.

The Dominant type individual tends to attack time.  They have places to go, things to do and people to meet.  They are on a mission and time is short for them.  Because they are “doers,” they tend to wake up in the morning with a to-do list a mile long and frequently feel there is just not enough time in their day to get everything accomplished that they want to do.  And, for them, it is all about the task.  They are not keen on anything that interrupts their mission.  So, if you are not on their list for the day, you are not a priority.  I know that feels harsh and hard, but it is true!  And, please realize that it isn’t personal.  It is just that their priority is accomplishing their goal for the day, which is to check everything off their list as completed.

The Inspiring type tends to be very flexible with their time.  In fact, they don’t want to feel restricted by time or a schedule.  They prefer to fly by the seat of their pants.  In other words, they like to just sort of flow from one task or event to another.  And, if a distraction comes along to interrupt their work, it tends to be welcomed.  They much prefer talking and visiting and socializing.  They tend to fill their day with all sorts of activities, the more the better, and especially if those activities involve a lot of other people.  If you are not aware of this and happen to be another personality style, this c’est la vie attitude toward time can be very frustrating and you will find yourself constantly irritated.  They are not intentionally being disrespectful when they are tardy.  They are just not as driven by structure as some of the rest of us.

The Supportive type individuals also tend to be more flexible with their time.  Because their focus is on helping people, they can often become distracted from the task at hand, and give their time to someone who needs them.  They will lay aside whatever they are doing in order to lend a helping hand.  That is admirable, but can often get them in trouble when having done that causes them to be behind in their other obligations.  They also live life at a slower pace, so they do not appreciate being rushed to do anything.  In fact, the more you try to rush them, the slower they become.  They need plenty of time to accomplish something, so if you expect them to do something quickly, you may be sorely disappointed.  When working with them, respect their slower pace and give them the space and time they need to do what you are asking.  Remember, their goal is to please!

Cautious type personalities tend to live by a schedule.  They even have a detailed, well-thought-out plan and schedule for their vacation!  Life is more comfortable and manageable for them when it is structured.  They also tend to think and live in increments.  To them, being on time means being 5 to 10 minutes early.  They hate being late to anything!  For them, they would rather not go someplace than to be late.  In their mind, that is rude.  They are on time and they expect you to be on time as well.  And, they tend to be insulted if you are not punctual.  Like the D’s they also have an agenda for their day and do not appreciate interruptions.  While the I-type person may welcome a distraction, the C-type does not.  If you value your relationship with them, make an appointment when you need to talk with them.

When we misunderstand this issue of time for the different personalities, we tend to judge and label others.  The D we may judge as hard, harsh and uncaring.  The I-type we may label as irresponsible and rude for being late.  The S-type we label as wishy-washy or slow.  The C-type may be characterized as cold and unapproachable.  But, when we learn to value each person and understand the way they view life, it does two things: 1) It helps us to respect them and be more cognizant of what they need to perform well; and 2) It helps us not to take their behavior personally.

We need to be aware of how our own personality and actions affect others and make the adjustments we need to make in our behavior so that we are not offensive to others.  And, we also need to be aware of other people’s personalities so that we can appreciate the differences and fulfill the scripture that says, “…as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone” (Romans 12:18).

I am a speaker and trainer. I would love to have the opportunity to speak to your group. To find out more about me or to book me for an upcoming event, go to www.align90.com

Part 1 of this series laid the foundation of what it means to live alive and out loud.  In Part 2, I discussed what that looks like for those who are the D and I-type personality styles.  (If you don’t know what that means, you might want to look back at some previous blogs.)

In this final Part 3, I want to finish with the S and C-type styles.  And, remember, we are all a blend of all four of the personality styles, to greater or lesser degrees, so be sure to read them all and decide which of the four styles is strongest in you.

The D and I-types from Part 2 are Outgoing.  That means they travel through life at a fast pace.  They are active and interactive.  They way they live alive and out loud, is in many cases, literally out loud!  They are vocal and make themselves seen and heard.

The S (Supportive) and C (Cautious) styles are more Reserved.  They are naturally quieter and more subdued in their approach to life.  They tend to prefer living behind the scenes, working quietly.  So, the way they live life alive and “out loud” looks very different than the two we discussed earlier.

For the Supportive S-type, life is most enjoyable when they are able to function in a peaceful environment that is free from tension and chaos or a lot of change.  They are happiest when they can work as part of a team and where their gifting of support and encouragement is appreciated.

Relationships are very important to this style of individual, so they love having the opportunity to build those relationships by listening, serving, and encouraging.  Spending time with family and friends is a large part of what makes them feel alive and service is their “out loud” expression.

When situations are chaotic, there is too much change, or there is a lot of tension in their environment, the S style person is likely to withdraw and may become uncommunicative.  When under too much pressure, they are likely to also sleep more than normal.

Those who are the Cautious C-types naturally prefer working alone.  They thrive in an environment that is quiet and allows for them to think, process information, right what is wrong, and do the detailed planning and work they value.

They enjoy life and are living out loud when they are able to use their knowledge and skills to make processes smoother and more efficient.  They generally like to read, do research, or work on very technical kinds of projects.  When their brains are firing on all cylinders is when they feel really alive.

If they are required to be with a lot of people for an extended period of time, they feel drained and will often suddenly be missing from the crowd, as they have gone to look for a place they can retreat to and be alone.  They, too, will often become silent.  Unless part of their blend is more Outgoing, they can give off the air that they don’t care what is going on, they are not going to be involved!

I hope this has been helpful and that you have a pretty good idea of what your blend is so that you know what kind of environment makes you feel alive and able to live out loud.

If you would like to take an assessment to find out for sure, just go to my website (www.align90.com) and find them under the SHOP tab.

(I am a speaker and trainer who would like to speak for your next event. To find out more about me, go to www.align90.com.)

In Part 1 of Living Alive, I talked in general about what it means to live alive and out loud.  Today I want to talk more specifically about what that means for the Dominant and Inspiring personality styles.  (If you aren’t familiar with the Model of Human Behavior, you might want to go back and read some of those earlier postings.)  I will finish this series with the Supportive and Cautious styles in Part 3.

But, before I get into it, let me remind you that we are all a blend of all four personality styles.  The majority of people have at least two styles that are more predominant than the others.  Some have three more predominant styles.  And, a few have only one style that is dominant.  So, please keep that in mind as you read because more than one section may apply to you.

Living alive and out loud for the D (Dominant) type personality involves movement and forward motion.  Nothing is more frustrating for this style than to be stuck in status quo!  They need to feel as if progress is being made on whatever they may be trying to achieve.

Risk and change help the D style to feel alive.  They like to “shake things up,” do something daring, be on the front, cutting-edge of life.  They like to lead rather than follow, which keeps them pioneering.  These things energize them and make them want to do even more and keep pressing forward.

When that is not the case, D’s can spin out of control, feeling restless, agitated, pushy, and less and less tolerant.  Patience is not a natural quality for this style of individual anyway, but when this need for forward motion is denied, impatience rises quickly to the top of their emotional scale.

For those who are I-type (Inspiring) personalities, living alive and out loud includes lots of activities, interaction with others, and fun!  I’s don’t typically like to sit still.  They want to be on the go and involved in many different kinds of activities.  Nothing is more draining to them than inactivity or the inability to communicate and interact with others.

The I style is emotionally charged when their social calendar is full and there are many and varied opportunities to be with others.

When life isn’t fun for these individuals, they can become whiney and pouty.  And, if life remains stale for them, they can sink into depression.

I want to finish this section with a personal story.

My personality style is D/I/C (Dominant, Inspiring, Cautious) and all three of those characteristics are very strong in me, though I have slightly less of the Cautious type than the other two.  The S (Supportive) style is nearly negligible in my make up.  Both the D and I are Outgoing, and both the D and C are Task-Oriented.  These facts are important to my story.

I decided to step out and leave the security of a J-O-B and start my own speaking/training business.  While the thought of that was exciting, scary, and definitely pioneering for me, it also positioned me to work from home.  Alone.

And, if you have ever done anything like that yourself, you know that there is a lot of technical work to be done.  Websites to be built, social media connections to be made, copy written for those websites, and a million other tasks to be done.

Besides that, it is more difficult to walk away from work that needs to still be done when you work from home.  The beginning and closing work hours are not as set as when you work for someone else.

Anyway, I began to notice that my mindset was turning very negative.  I found it difficult to lay aside work.  It was always on my mind and the work never seemed to be complete.  I had to revise and re-visit many tasks I thought should be finished.  I became so task-focused that there was no time or room for fun.  Plus, the Cautious part of me wanted things to be perfect the first time.

I didn’t feel as though I was making any progress, nothing seemed to ever be perfect and finished, and life certainly wasn’t any fun!  I felt duller and duller.  I was not living alive and out loud!

When I began to understand what was going on, I had to make some adjustments.  I had to make myself take a break and purposely fill my mind with something besides work…at least for a little while.  I had to release my expectation of this kind of work ever being “done” and realize that it is all a fluid process.  I also had to give myself the opportunity to get out of the house and away from the desk so that I could meet people and do some activities that were fun and energizing to me.

Living alive and out loud requires that we know how we are “wired” and giving ourselves good self-care.  I may have remained stuck in that cycle of frustration and depression for much longer had I not understood what the inherent needs of my particular personality blend are and how to address them.

I encourage you to discover your own blend and learn how to work with it so that you can live alive and out loud, too!  (Don’t forget to read next week’s Part 3 in order to find your complete blend if you didn’t find it here.)

I am a speaker and trainer and would love to speak at your next event. To learn more about me, go to www.align90.com.