“Love your neighbor as yourself,” (Matthew 22:39) is a quote that most people have heard whether they go to church or not, and most of us understand that by “neighbor” it means not just the person or persons living next door to us, but all others as well. We also have a concept of what it means to love our neighbor, but I think many of us are perhaps confused about what it means to love ourselves.

When we think of someone loving themselves, we often think of them as being conceited, and having an exaggerated view of one’s self or thinking more highly of yourself than you ought is conceit. However, that is not what we are being instructed to do.

I believe what we are being instructed to do is to respect ourselves and this is what I think that looks like:

Realize your value

Someone once said, “God don’t make no junk!” Now, I know that is not grammatically correct, but you get the meaning. And, while we would give mental ascent to that, I believe many of us look at ourselves in the mirror and are critical of what we see. We look at the mistakes we have made in our lives and believe that those mistakes have made us losers, failures and of no value. May I tell you something? You are not what you see in the mirror! You are not your past! You are of infinitely more worth than any of that!!! You are of such great value to the One who made you that He paid the ultimate price for you by sending His only Son to redeem you! Redeem means, among other things, to buy back, repair and restore. No matter what you see or what you’ve done, you are a person of worth and value! If God think so, who are we to think less?

Set boundaries

Do you know where your neighbor’s yard begins and ends? Most of us do. Often those boundaries are marked by fences that show us where our property ends and another’s begins. We should also have clear boundaries around our person, too. They are healthy and necessary. They define who we are and what we will allow.

You would not be happy if someone barged into your home and took what was yours or trashed your property, would you? No. You expect people to respect your home and your things. You should expect nothing less when it comes to your person. You have a right to expect respect when it comes to your time, your feelings, and how you are treated. So, don’t be afraid to put healthy boundaries around yourself and hold them firmly. You teach others how to treat you so teach them to treat you with respect.

Watch your language!

For most of my life I have struggled with an unhealthy body image. Because of that, the voices in my head are very unkind! In fact, a barrage of negative labels and self-talk starts the moment I wake up nearly every morning. One morning not too long ago, the self-talk was particularly vicious and all of a sudden it dawned on me, “I would NEVER talk to anyone else the way I’m talking to myself right now!” I decided right then and there that if I wouldn’t talk to anyone else like that, I should not allow myself to talk to me like that either!” And, neither should you. Take mental inventory of what you say to yourself and be careful to speak as kindly to yourself as you would your neighbor.

Practice good self-care

Another way to love yourself is to understand what you need in order to be healthy in body, soul (mind, will and emotions), and spirit. We are all “wired” differently so we have different needs when it comes to these things. Some of us get our batteries recharged by physical activity or lots of interaction with others. Some of us are recharged by unstructured activity like watching a movie or with something cognitive like working a crossword puzzle or reading a book. It is important to understand what we need in each of those areas and then create the time to see that those needs are met. I can almost hear some of you thinking right now, “I don’t have time to think about that, let alone do it!” That’s why I said that you will need to create the time. No one will give you the time to do it, so you will have to create it for yourself.

I truly believe that it is impossible to really love someone else until and unless we love ourselves first. When we are unhappy with ourselves, we’re not happy with anyone else either. It isn’t selfish or conceited to love ourselves. If it were, we would not have been instructed to do it. Learn to love who and what you are and you will be able to love others, too.

 

I am a speaker/trainer and would love to speak at your next event. To find out more about me or book me for your group, go to www.align90.com.

Tags: Faith